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Anita Thandi, MA, RCC and Anil Baines MA, RCC

Relationships 101

One of the main reasons people choose to go to counselling is to deal with their relationship struggles. Clients are often looking for ways to get their relationship back on track – they say that they are looking for “more connectedness, greater meaning and want things to be more like at the beginning”. They are looking for a deeper, more fulfilling bond but unsure of how to change their current situation.

In our experience there is a tendency for people to wait until the relationship has been suffering for a long period of time and then decide to try counselling to work on their conflict. As they enter counseling they may start to discuss all the things that have gone wrong and then feel worse about their relationship as they deal with the issues from the past. It is vital to address the past hurts and experiences that have led the couple to where they are presently in order to identify how to change things. Once we are able to openly discuss some of the past conflicts and put them on the table, it will allow us to decide what we can do with those ‘scars’ and where to go from here.

Occasionally, one of the partner’s will recognize a desire to go to counseling but the other partner may not quite be ready. Although it takes TWO people to have a good relationship, working with an individual on relationship or marriage issues can start to produce notable changes. Basically, as we change one part of the system, the rest of the system (or relationship), will have to adapt and may also start to shift. In our experience as things start to progress then the other partner may also commit to therapy and join the sessions.
Dr. Sue Johnson, author of ‘Love Sense’ (2013), suggests that there is a ‘prototype of love, what a good relationship actually looks like”. We can help you discover what this type of healthy love or relationship is and how you can integrate it into your existing relationship and move towards what you are looking for.

In our upcoming series of blogs we will be addressing topics such as: Resolving Conflicts, Couples Attachment, Psychology of Love, Mindfulness in your Relationship, How to Recover after a Breakup, and What Makes a Healthy Couple in 2015?

If you are interested in more information about couples counseling or individual counseling with a focus on relationships and relationship issues please contact us at South Point Counselling Group.

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